Growing up in the former Soviet Union under a Communist regime, I had little knowledge about my Jewish heritage. After immigrating to the United States, I slowly started learning about Torah values and traditions. One of the most fascinating discoveries for me was the concept of traditional Jewish dating and matchmaking.
The Torah teaches that in six days, God created the world, filling it with dry land, the sun, moon, stars, sea creatures, birds, and animals. At the end of each day, God saw that His creation was “good” (Genesis 1:4, 10, 12, 18, 21, 25). Yet, for the first time, after creating Adam, God saw something that was “not good”—man being alone: “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helpmeet comparable to him” (Genesis 2:18). This statement was made before Adam ate from the Tree of Knowledge and disobeyed God (Genesis 3:22), emphasizing that companionship is not a consequence of sin but an intrinsic part of creation.
Judaism believes in the concept of a ‘bashert,’ a divinely ordained soulmate. The Torah describes how Avraham sent Eliezer to find a wife for his son, Isaac (Genesis 24). Eliezer asked for a sign from God, and after specific conditions were miraculously met, it was clear that Rivka was predestined for Isaac. While we no longer rely on supernatural signs, Judaism places significant emphasis on character traits, shared values, and long-term commitment in choosing a partner.
Since matches are divinely preordained and our souls are intrinsically bonded to their other halves, matchmaking is seen as a sacred endeavor. Among the many professionals I’ve met, Aleeza Ben Shalom was the first matchmaker I encountered in my Jewish journey. I was fascinated by her work and how she became one of the most recognized experts in her field.
Aleeza became a ba’al teshuvah in her early twenties. Her journey toward observant Judaism began at the University of Pittsburgh, where she was profoundly influenced by Chabad emissaries Rabbi Shmuel and Sarah Weinstein. One particular Friday night, she attended a Shabbat meal where a newly engaged couple was celebrating. She remembers thinking, “I want to be part of a community that celebrates each other in such an authentic and meaningful way.”
After becoming observant, Aleeza turned to a shadchan (traditional matchmaker) to help her navigate the dating process. Gershon Ben Shalom was the second person she was introduced to—and soon after, they stood together under the chuppah. The experience of receiving guidance in such a crucial area inspired her to help others find their soulmates. In 2007, she began assisting in online Jewish dating communities. By 2012, this passion became her full-time calling.
Aleeza has since authored two books, Get Real, Get Married and Virtual Dating. She founded Marriage Minded Mentor, an organization that helps people worldwide break unhealthy dating patterns and build strong relationships. Her expertise has helped countless people locally and globally find their match.
Aleeza credits her success to both her parents and in-laws, who together have been married for over a century. When I spoke to her in-laws, Fran and Sid, about their 61-year marriage, Fran shared, “We met on a blind date in October 1959. Sid left two days after we became engaged for a six-month army commitment. It was the time of the Berlin Wall crisis, and he didn’t return as expected. Our wedding had to be scheduled during his two-week leave, and we spent our first eight months of marriage on an army base at Fort Bragg, North Carolina. It wasn’t easy, but it taught us to rely on each other. The night before our wedding, I slipped on the ice, but Sid caught me. He always jokes that I ‘really fell for him.’”
Fran shared their secret to a lasting marriage: “Patience, humor, and compromise. My husband still makes me laugh! We joke that I’m a ‘five-minutes-late’ person, and he’s always on time. So for the last 60 years, I’ve been trying to be punctual. Most importantly, never stop communicating and sharing. You may not always agree but always listen to each other.”
Their story reminded me of a famous Midrash. A Roman noblewoman once asked Rabbi Yosi bar Chalafta, “If it took G‑d six days to create the world, what has He been doing since then?” He replied, “G‑d has been making matches—determining which daughter will marry which man.” The noblewoman scoffed, saying she could do the same. She paired 1,000 men with 1,000 women in a single night. By morning, all 2,000 people returned, furious. She then admitted, “There is no power like your G‑d, and your Torah is true!”
Now a star of Netflix’s Jewish Matchmaking, Aleeza introduces the traditional practice of shidduchim to a global audience. She emphasizes that dating is not a hobby but a purposeful pursuit of marriage. As she often says, “The goal is to walk under the chuppah and build a family.”
Aleeza and Gershon have been married for over 20 years and are parents to five beautiful children. In March 2021, they fulfilled their lifelong dream and made aliyah to Israel. Their home is filled with joyful chaos—laughter, cooking Israeli cuisine, playing with their beloved dog Koda, and welcoming guests. My son Ellie, who is studying in Israel, was a recent Shabbat guest in their home.
Jewish dating remains as relevant today as ever. Torah values don’t age or become irrelevant. As the Zohar (191a) teaches, “A husband and wife are one soul, separated only through their descent to this world. When they are married, they are reunited again.”
Helping people find their other half is a holy task, but once joined, it’s up to the couple to nurture and cherish their marriage. Building a sacred home takes a lifetime, but it is a journey well worth the effort.
The Blogs: Matches Made in Heaven for Marriages in this World | Sofya Tamarkin | The Times of Israel